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Noah Otte's avatar

An excellent and very meaningful poem that any young woman or person in general could relate to, Liza! I of course don't know the poems meaning for sure. But it sounds to me like you are talking about how life seems like all fun and games or one big adventure to someone is who is little. But then you grow up and become a young adult and you come to see the world for what it is. It also discusses the absurdity and game of keep up appearances a young girl has to do to be accepted and seen as "cool." A little girl is allowed to be herself and like herself but when she becomes a teen or a twenty-something, she has to conform to what she's expected to be. Also, they better find a boyfriend and future husband quick before they get too old and aren't attractive anymore and can't have children anymore. One could apply this to boys and men too just in a bit of a different way as I can to an extent relate to this. Talk about universal themes! You can find so many of them in Carnival!

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Gym+Fritz's avatar

Nice. Worth a second read.

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Peter Gimpel's avatar

BS"D

Hi Liza Libes!

Congratulations on finally coming out as a poet!

I agree more or less with Noah Otte's precis of your poem. So the question I have is, what compels you to expand the condensate into a long poem and fill it with obscurities that have meaning principally for you?

Here's my advice to the gifted young "rebel". You are clearly a good writer, you have the foundations at least of a literary and musical culture, and a sensibly critical view of academia's performance; so why take me along on your personal tour through a familiar landscape obscured by your personal anguish, frustrations, complexes and emotional baggage? Show me what I've missed, what I've overlooked, what I've taken for granted or forgotten - about the world, about you, about me.

It will be helpful to concentrate on the shorter forms, to translate from your favorite German, Russian and French poets, and, for the modern idiom, to cultivate a certain distance from the iambic phrase.

Bivrochos, and Gut Shabbos!

Sholem

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Brian King's avatar

Thank you for stating the obvious issues with this poem and then providing constructive remedies.

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Roscoe's avatar

yea thats good... gettin sma-mashed and other things lol

thats real good

sma-mashed**

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