An excellent and very meaningful poem that any young woman or person in general could relate to, Liza! I of course don't know the poems meaning for sure. But it sounds to me like you are talking about how life seems like all fun and games or one big adventure to someone is who is little. But then you grow up and become a young adult and you come to see the world for what it is. It also discusses the absurdity and game of keep up appearances a young girl has to do to be accepted and seen as "cool." A little girl is allowed to be herself and like herself but when she becomes a teen or a twenty-something, she has to conform to what she's expected to be. Also, they better find a boyfriend and future husband quick before they get too old and aren't attractive anymore and can't have children anymore. One could apply this to boys and men too just in a bit of a different way as I can to an extent relate to this. Talk about universal themes! You can find so many of them in Carnival!
This is a good poem, and as Gym+Fritz noted, worthy of a second read. I sense a little channeling of "The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock." I say that based primarily on your love of Eliot. I can see some thematic and structural resonance.
Overall, I think you have the bones of a really great poem. Let me box the compass a little between Noah and Peter. As it stands, this is a decent poem, but as I read it, I was struggling keeping up with the carnival imagery of Coney Island and competing images of the train, the breakfast, the eggs. I can see how you're pulling in emotional topics that I think you later elaborate on in your prose writing. This might be why Peter suggests shorter forms. This would concentrate these segments into their own distinct thoughts. Alternatively, how can you make it slightly less subjective? You don't need to eliminate the personal, subjective element, just make it slightly more relatable. I think this is the beauty and power of Prufrock. Eliot walks the knife's edge between Prufrock's subjective world and the world that his readers can apprehend. If you want to take that road, I'd encourage you to think about how you can extend the primary metaphor of your carnival as Eliot did with the dinner party.
An excellent and very meaningful poem that any young woman or person in general could relate to, Liza! I of course don't know the poems meaning for sure. But it sounds to me like you are talking about how life seems like all fun and games or one big adventure to someone is who is little. But then you grow up and become a young adult and you come to see the world for what it is. It also discusses the absurdity and game of keep up appearances a young girl has to do to be accepted and seen as "cool." A little girl is allowed to be herself and like herself but when she becomes a teen or a twenty-something, she has to conform to what she's expected to be. Also, they better find a boyfriend and future husband quick before they get too old and aren't attractive anymore and can't have children anymore. One could apply this to boys and men too just in a bit of a different way as I can to an extent relate to this. Talk about universal themes! You can find so many of them in Carnival!
Nice. Worth a second read.
Lisa,
This is a good poem, and as Gym+Fritz noted, worthy of a second read. I sense a little channeling of "The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock." I say that based primarily on your love of Eliot. I can see some thematic and structural resonance.
Overall, I think you have the bones of a really great poem. Let me box the compass a little between Noah and Peter. As it stands, this is a decent poem, but as I read it, I was struggling keeping up with the carnival imagery of Coney Island and competing images of the train, the breakfast, the eggs. I can see how you're pulling in emotional topics that I think you later elaborate on in your prose writing. This might be why Peter suggests shorter forms. This would concentrate these segments into their own distinct thoughts. Alternatively, how can you make it slightly less subjective? You don't need to eliminate the personal, subjective element, just make it slightly more relatable. I think this is the beauty and power of Prufrock. Eliot walks the knife's edge between Prufrock's subjective world and the world that his readers can apprehend. If you want to take that road, I'd encourage you to think about how you can extend the primary metaphor of your carnival as Eliot did with the dinner party.
You're a gifted writer. Show us more.
Grace and Peace,
Jon
Thank you for stating the obvious issues with this poem and then providing constructive remedies.