Illicit Kingdom

Chicago | January 2024

Deep beyond the mountaintops
Where the lilacs banter with the breezes
I rather like this Tyrian allegiance  
There are couples with their joint umbrellas 
Waterfalls reflecting turquoise 
Colors seeping into trees 
The dawn’s collected in a puddle 
And beyond the hilltops 
I have once inhabited a castle 
Admiring the stonework 

You oversaw the masonry
Always building butterflies and kingdoms 
Hosting all your Gatsby parties 
Uninvited people at our fling 

I linger here in waiting 
Excited once again to deck the ceilings
For these Viennese proceedings  
Pretend to be a Cinderella 
Dancing in forgotten shoes
And when the temperature turns right
Leave again with you  

Four years ago I was indifferent 
Believing I could pose before a mirror 
Usher in my final truth 
Captive princess in a studded dress
Now I await your ceremonious arrival
And just like Gatsby you are never there 

Hidden deep inside the hallways 
Underneath the paintings
Featuring your knightly reign 
I am tucked inside an alcove 
Reading of the Dante seasons 
That push sinners into rings 

You said you’ve had enough of this Italian 
Better off I wouldn’t read 
Yet underneath the blankets 
I am analyzing Chaucer’s Tale of the Clerk
You have could have grasped the cadence 
Of my insinuations 
On the day that we both left
Griselda’s patience captured in a blurb
Yet I can’t remember what the story means 

And this is not a pilgrimage 
We are not telling fairy stories
The prioress dislikes the Jews 
My fairies are your philistines
And I am Samson cowering before Delilah 
I have always been the man in this charade
Welcome to the Levantine parade 

And I have nothing to compare this to 
Amongst quotidian proceedings 
Concerning unwashed tupperware
And garbage baskets undisposed
You complain you are too tired after work 
Where did our fairy kingdom go? 

I had crafted you into a cynosure 
Of understanding all that is romantic 
Yet beyond my kingdom
You could worship only the banal 

Maybe it’s more peaceful without you 
Yet if life is rowboat tunes 
And moonshine after midnight 
Then why can’t I sleep 

I would like to write a book 
Of all the islands I’ve inhabited with you 
A paradise that knows no bounds or ends
Where dolphins jump at the aurora 
It’s in my head 

You drop off amidst the difference in our time 
Yet if I wanted to be left alone 
Don’t you think I would’ve made it known? 

I wish I had more memories to write 
But you won’t see me more than once a year 
Maybe you’ll end up in the city soon

I move into my new apartment 
And the windowpanes are sealed shut 
Maybe I am trapped because of you 
You are nothing like I remember you 

We do not go out 
We never talk 
There is not much to talk about 

My head grows cold 

You were since peripatetic
Swapping other kingdoms 
For the memory of mine 
Bidding it away again  

I have expended all my thoughts of you 
Yet somehow there is more to say 

This is forbearance 
Indolence gone wild 
Yet if your gall could never win
Then why am I dejected?