Very interesting. I went to the University of Toronto Schools, which wasn’t quite as snooty as its Chicago equivalent—and much more first/second-generation immigrant. I was a jock at this nerd school and also the earnest conservative-libertarian bombthrower who ended up editing the school paper. Had a phenomenal intellectual experience and was an active alum but alas cut ties (and donations) over DEI/wokeism in the last five years.
*** “Prominent Substacker and public intellectual Rob Henderson explains the phenomenon I experienced last week in his memoir Troubled, coining the term “luxury beliefs” to describe ideas held by affluent people that confer status while imposing costs on the less privileged.” ***
It escapes me now, but there is another term for this. It was a subject I discussed in the past with some of my friends. It’s odd how people with the least “skin in the game” are often the ones setting the tone. By being the “cool kids” or the kids – to be looked up to or emulated.
I believe it’s largely as you said, those kids could hold any temporary belief on anything, because they came from wealth, they were insulated from their otherwise bad decisions early in life. They could afford to have “luxury beliefs.”
That’s why the most prominent leftists are often not *truly* concerned with what they outwardly claim to be. It’s all for show. By parroting the, correct or approved beliefs, they display their “status.” It’s a sign that says, “See, I’m elite enough to spend my time parroting leftist nonsense, and it won’t significantly effect my life.”
Meanwhile those (living in the real world) duplicate those leftist talking points, in an attempt to appear elite themselves – which leads to a kind of false consensus. It gives the appearance that there is this widely-held leftist belief system, but in fact *none * of it was real. Those people aren’t going to live *their* lives that way – as you witnessed at your high school reunion.
*** “My classmate likely grew up in a family that taught her the value of monogamy and child-rearing, and as someone from a prominent family, she should have a duty to promote values that hold our society together rather than veering off into displays of radical feminism and anti-Israel sentiment.” ***
This gets to another issue. You’re right, you would assume that the people who were raised in a household that valued monogamy and child-rearing (the nuclear family) would have some kind of societal obligation to perpetuate that which “works.” But they almost never do. I think a combination of things leads to this, and it definitely includes the whole “luxury beliefs” scenario.
The cycle starts at the elite schools, because that’s where the luxury beliefs begin. It’s the professors who parrot the whole, “Communism is the perfect system of government, it just hasn’t been done correctly” nonsense.
Those within academia, can afford to have luxury beliefs, they live in a bubble more or less. That’s why you always see these really odd studies, looking into things that are already understood by normal people – the world over. These self-evident facts of life elude many socially insulated professors.
“Whether women and men are psychologically very similar or quite different is a contentious issue in psychological science.” ***
Really?
College kids begin to emulate the mindset of their “brilliant” professors. Then *they* become parents, parrot the leftist nonsense to broadcast their “elite-ness,” and the ball keeps rolling downhill.
You were an exception, because you didn’t come from elitist parents who parroted leftist ideals while sipping on overpriced scotch, and swirling their wine, you know, because that’s what you’re supposed to do. You didn’t come from a world where people (for lack of a better term) purposely mislead others, as a form of social identification. And that’s not a bad thing, because you skipped the worst part.
I’ve run into this in religious circles. When I moved to a new city, the YA Catholics I met spoke and acted in a completely different manner than the working class and blue collar rural Protestants I’d gone to high school with. It took me most of a decade (and Henderson’s book) to realize my friction with my religious peers was due to coming from a working class background compared to the affluence of their upper middle class or higher upbringings. At this point in my midlife, I could care less what most of them say. They can quote theologians but they can’t change a tire or have the foresight and motivation to learn how to cook or fix things. Worst, some of the men and women I’ve met have the most entitled beliefs. It’s hard to believe that they genuinely believe in the faith they practice, but have zero empathy or real compassion for others. Their faith is only intellectual.
This was a great essay and it brought to mind many of the pressure points I mentioned above. Nicely done.
Reunions often serve as a mirror, reflecting not just individual growth but also the shifting landscapes of privilege, ambition, and identity. Private schools, in particular, tend to cultivate distinct social ecosystems ones where networking, legacy, and unspoken hierarchies play a significant role. The reunion setting can amplify these dynamics, making it a space where past aspirations collide with present realities.
A productive and usefull diversity programm would promote people like you and Henderson so different perspectives are heard, not the current model of people whose diversity stops at the neck
My writing career has placed me firmly in the most elite literary circles. But I lived on my tribe's reservation and commuted to a farm/ranch town high school. And I just have a B.A. in American Studies from Washington State University. At the beginning of my career, I was often the only non-white writer at the prestigious gatherings and one of the few people not from an elite background. Those gatherings have grown more racially diverse over the years but they're still highly elite. I feel equally separate from the Ivy League white writers and the Ivy League black and brown writers. I fit in, of course, because, like you, I'm fluent in elite-ese. But I've never felt fully comfortable. And I'd guess that only 10% of my closest friends are writers.
A really interesting and lively read; I wonder if you'll go to your next reunions. I'm a public school kid who encountered the world of the elites when I went to college. I don't think there are blanket rules for when to "talk the talk" of those who aren't like you and when to insist on being seen and heard in your own language. It may depend on how much you can or want view them as people with whom you have something important in common simply because at the same tender age, you spent so much time in the same school world. Sometimes, the important thing is a common language. Once there's some common language, you can choose when diverge from that shared language and even talk about why it's important to integrate that language less familiar to them. Thank you for writing this!
So I am pretty nerdy myself and probably have quite a bit in common with Ajax. One invaluable piece of advice that I picked up on Twitter is that nerds often misinterpret the question "What do you think of this?" The literal minded will often interpret this to be a genuine invitation for criticism (hopefully constructive).
But of course most people who ask the question are really looking for affirmation and are hurt or insulted if offered advice. And in the present day that often boils down to reasserting tribalism.
For the final twist, even as I understand this now as I grow older I am more inclined to ignore it as I become increasingly impatient and intolerant. Life is too short to endure idiocy, especially the same idiocy over and over again. Age has granted me a refreshing ability to speak my own mind without concern for how it will be interpreted. Part of that I am sure is due to impending senescence but getting older also has a way of crystallizing one's priorities, of focusing one's perspective on the stuff that you as an individual find to be important. The truth matters to me and the flip side of that coin is honesty. It's better to speak your mind and then spend the rest of the evening chatting with the bartender.
Though it must have been uncomfortable to attend your high school and later Columbia, you acquired an excellent education (without all the elitist, social political agit prop stuff) that is offered to those who have strong discipline and who demonstrate high achievement. Getting into that world seems in some ways, similar to getting into the world of upper echelon traditional publishing. That you were able to get into that first world and do extremely well argues that you will also be granted entrance to that exclusive second world soon as well and will do very well there too. Just as in the classical world, intense excellence will always triumph and brings in so many more people and appreciation than it chases away.
Such a fascinating article, Liza! There is so much I could say about what you wrote here. Please ignore Mark Smith and Joseph L. Weiss's rude and uncalled for responses below. In any case, I can totally relate to you, Liza. You felt alienated from the other students at your high school because you went to a school dominated by young people from WASP, upper middle class and wealthy backgrounds while being the daughter of working-class immigrants and coming from a Jewish and Eastern European background nor were you a liberal or leftist like the rest of them. I was an outcast at my high school due to having autism and not been very talkative and I too had few friends and better relationships with teachers than students. The University of Chicago Laboratory School is exactly what its name sounds like-it's literally a factory for the nation's intellectual and political elite.
That's so cool you got to go to the same school as some of the most prominent people in Illinois and in the nation as a whole or their family members! But I get it, you didn't feel like you fit in with them and they snubbed you for being different. This is one of the great human flaws. We find difference in any way, shape or form threatening. A cursory reading of American history shows this wholeheartedly. The observation you made of your formerly radical classmates all of a sudden becoming the embodiment of the nuclear family and traditional values and espousing liberal and leftist talking points while sounding like more like Sean Hannity or Stuart Varney in private. This the embodiment of what Rob Henderson was talking about when he spoke of "luxury beliefs." They are essentially beliefs that rich and upper middle-class people hold to show off their status in society while looking down their nose at working-class and poor people. How ironic! Claiming your all about social justice and economic justice and pretending to stand for the little guy while simultaneously keeping them under your boot.
I was a little surprised to read you started pretending to agree with your classmates, but I get what you were doing. You wanted to see how they would react and how their perception of you would change if you did so. Sure enough, all of a sudden, they loved you and you were the toast of the town. How pathetic, it appears they are just as elitist, hypocritical, classist, and shallow as ever. Boy would they be shocked if they knew what you really believed!
Disappointed at your us vs. them mentality. Your classmates who “grew up” and got married and raised children should be championed-not attacked. In high school they were mere children-how can you label them hypocrites now-when all they did was mature out of post-adolescence. If anything-you should chastise yourself as a teen who championed marriage and child rearing yet went on to a career that leaves room for neither.
I started the piece totally on your side-bug your relentless hate speech against your classmates turned me off
We're all crazy about you Liza, but sometimes it seems that you have gone from padding your resume for college straight to pitching your memoir to the highest bidder. (Well, that is just another way of saying that you are following your father's advice, which is a smart thing to do). For me, Ajax was for cleaning sinks. I want to hear about the Ajax who built an app for that. I suppose I'll have to wait for the memoir. Anyway, you mentioned that you were bothered by the elite's hypocrisy. I think it a greater crime that they seem so utterly predictable and boring.
'I did not fit in because in my immigrant household, the only thing that mattered was hard work and persistence—in fact, my dad’s most signature piece of advice to teenage Liza was, “You have to be financially independent.” I was shocked, then, that after years and years of hearing my classmates parrot bowdlerized talking points about the patriarchy, I was the only unmarried, childless, and career-oriented woman in the pack'.
The gender equality paradox in effect, as societies become more liberal gender differences enlarge
Nice piece that sums up why high school reunions are not warm fuzzy trips down Nostalgia Lane. I’ve never been to any of my high school reunions and have no interest. I was a misfit oddball and received all the expected “benefits” that came with designation. Why relive those four miserable years?
It gets better - at my 50th, all the glitter is gone and they are 'just people' - no need to impress.
Very interesting. I went to the University of Toronto Schools, which wasn’t quite as snooty as its Chicago equivalent—and much more first/second-generation immigrant. I was a jock at this nerd school and also the earnest conservative-libertarian bombthrower who ended up editing the school paper. Had a phenomenal intellectual experience and was an active alum but alas cut ties (and donations) over DEI/wokeism in the last five years.
This is a great piece.
You mentioned:
*** “Prominent Substacker and public intellectual Rob Henderson explains the phenomenon I experienced last week in his memoir Troubled, coining the term “luxury beliefs” to describe ideas held by affluent people that confer status while imposing costs on the less privileged.” ***
It escapes me now, but there is another term for this. It was a subject I discussed in the past with some of my friends. It’s odd how people with the least “skin in the game” are often the ones setting the tone. By being the “cool kids” or the kids – to be looked up to or emulated.
I believe it’s largely as you said, those kids could hold any temporary belief on anything, because they came from wealth, they were insulated from their otherwise bad decisions early in life. They could afford to have “luxury beliefs.”
That’s why the most prominent leftists are often not *truly* concerned with what they outwardly claim to be. It’s all for show. By parroting the, correct or approved beliefs, they display their “status.” It’s a sign that says, “See, I’m elite enough to spend my time parroting leftist nonsense, and it won’t significantly effect my life.”
Meanwhile those (living in the real world) duplicate those leftist talking points, in an attempt to appear elite themselves – which leads to a kind of false consensus. It gives the appearance that there is this widely-held leftist belief system, but in fact *none * of it was real. Those people aren’t going to live *their* lives that way – as you witnessed at your high school reunion.
*** “My classmate likely grew up in a family that taught her the value of monogamy and child-rearing, and as someone from a prominent family, she should have a duty to promote values that hold our society together rather than veering off into displays of radical feminism and anti-Israel sentiment.” ***
This gets to another issue. You’re right, you would assume that the people who were raised in a household that valued monogamy and child-rearing (the nuclear family) would have some kind of societal obligation to perpetuate that which “works.” But they almost never do. I think a combination of things leads to this, and it definitely includes the whole “luxury beliefs” scenario.
The cycle starts at the elite schools, because that’s where the luxury beliefs begin. It’s the professors who parrot the whole, “Communism is the perfect system of government, it just hasn’t been done correctly” nonsense.
Those within academia, can afford to have luxury beliefs, they live in a bubble more or less. That’s why you always see these really odd studies, looking into things that are already understood by normal people – the world over. These self-evident facts of life elude many socially insulated professors.
*** https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9442632/
“Whether women and men are psychologically very similar or quite different is a contentious issue in psychological science.” ***
Really?
College kids begin to emulate the mindset of their “brilliant” professors. Then *they* become parents, parrot the leftist nonsense to broadcast their “elite-ness,” and the ball keeps rolling downhill.
You were an exception, because you didn’t come from elitist parents who parroted leftist ideals while sipping on overpriced scotch, and swirling their wine, you know, because that’s what you’re supposed to do. You didn’t come from a world where people (for lack of a better term) purposely mislead others, as a form of social identification. And that’s not a bad thing, because you skipped the worst part.
I’ve run into this in religious circles. When I moved to a new city, the YA Catholics I met spoke and acted in a completely different manner than the working class and blue collar rural Protestants I’d gone to high school with. It took me most of a decade (and Henderson’s book) to realize my friction with my religious peers was due to coming from a working class background compared to the affluence of their upper middle class or higher upbringings. At this point in my midlife, I could care less what most of them say. They can quote theologians but they can’t change a tire or have the foresight and motivation to learn how to cook or fix things. Worst, some of the men and women I’ve met have the most entitled beliefs. It’s hard to believe that they genuinely believe in the faith they practice, but have zero empathy or real compassion for others. Their faith is only intellectual.
This was a great essay and it brought to mind many of the pressure points I mentioned above. Nicely done.
Reunions often serve as a mirror, reflecting not just individual growth but also the shifting landscapes of privilege, ambition, and identity. Private schools, in particular, tend to cultivate distinct social ecosystems ones where networking, legacy, and unspoken hierarchies play a significant role. The reunion setting can amplify these dynamics, making it a space where past aspirations collide with present realities.
A productive and usefull diversity programm would promote people like you and Henderson so different perspectives are heard, not the current model of people whose diversity stops at the neck
My writing career has placed me firmly in the most elite literary circles. But I lived on my tribe's reservation and commuted to a farm/ranch town high school. And I just have a B.A. in American Studies from Washington State University. At the beginning of my career, I was often the only non-white writer at the prestigious gatherings and one of the few people not from an elite background. Those gatherings have grown more racially diverse over the years but they're still highly elite. I feel equally separate from the Ivy League white writers and the Ivy League black and brown writers. I fit in, of course, because, like you, I'm fluent in elite-ese. But I've never felt fully comfortable. And I'd guess that only 10% of my closest friends are writers.
A really interesting and lively read; I wonder if you'll go to your next reunions. I'm a public school kid who encountered the world of the elites when I went to college. I don't think there are blanket rules for when to "talk the talk" of those who aren't like you and when to insist on being seen and heard in your own language. It may depend on how much you can or want view them as people with whom you have something important in common simply because at the same tender age, you spent so much time in the same school world. Sometimes, the important thing is a common language. Once there's some common language, you can choose when diverge from that shared language and even talk about why it's important to integrate that language less familiar to them. Thank you for writing this!
So I am pretty nerdy myself and probably have quite a bit in common with Ajax. One invaluable piece of advice that I picked up on Twitter is that nerds often misinterpret the question "What do you think of this?" The literal minded will often interpret this to be a genuine invitation for criticism (hopefully constructive).
But of course most people who ask the question are really looking for affirmation and are hurt or insulted if offered advice. And in the present day that often boils down to reasserting tribalism.
For the final twist, even as I understand this now as I grow older I am more inclined to ignore it as I become increasingly impatient and intolerant. Life is too short to endure idiocy, especially the same idiocy over and over again. Age has granted me a refreshing ability to speak my own mind without concern for how it will be interpreted. Part of that I am sure is due to impending senescence but getting older also has a way of crystallizing one's priorities, of focusing one's perspective on the stuff that you as an individual find to be important. The truth matters to me and the flip side of that coin is honesty. It's better to speak your mind and then spend the rest of the evening chatting with the bartender.
Though it must have been uncomfortable to attend your high school and later Columbia, you acquired an excellent education (without all the elitist, social political agit prop stuff) that is offered to those who have strong discipline and who demonstrate high achievement. Getting into that world seems in some ways, similar to getting into the world of upper echelon traditional publishing. That you were able to get into that first world and do extremely well argues that you will also be granted entrance to that exclusive second world soon as well and will do very well there too. Just as in the classical world, intense excellence will always triumph and brings in so many more people and appreciation than it chases away.
This is a great piece: well written, witty, and thoughtful. That's a hat trick that few writers can bring off.
Such a fascinating article, Liza! There is so much I could say about what you wrote here. Please ignore Mark Smith and Joseph L. Weiss's rude and uncalled for responses below. In any case, I can totally relate to you, Liza. You felt alienated from the other students at your high school because you went to a school dominated by young people from WASP, upper middle class and wealthy backgrounds while being the daughter of working-class immigrants and coming from a Jewish and Eastern European background nor were you a liberal or leftist like the rest of them. I was an outcast at my high school due to having autism and not been very talkative and I too had few friends and better relationships with teachers than students. The University of Chicago Laboratory School is exactly what its name sounds like-it's literally a factory for the nation's intellectual and political elite.
That's so cool you got to go to the same school as some of the most prominent people in Illinois and in the nation as a whole or their family members! But I get it, you didn't feel like you fit in with them and they snubbed you for being different. This is one of the great human flaws. We find difference in any way, shape or form threatening. A cursory reading of American history shows this wholeheartedly. The observation you made of your formerly radical classmates all of a sudden becoming the embodiment of the nuclear family and traditional values and espousing liberal and leftist talking points while sounding like more like Sean Hannity or Stuart Varney in private. This the embodiment of what Rob Henderson was talking about when he spoke of "luxury beliefs." They are essentially beliefs that rich and upper middle-class people hold to show off their status in society while looking down their nose at working-class and poor people. How ironic! Claiming your all about social justice and economic justice and pretending to stand for the little guy while simultaneously keeping them under your boot.
I was a little surprised to read you started pretending to agree with your classmates, but I get what you were doing. You wanted to see how they would react and how their perception of you would change if you did so. Sure enough, all of a sudden, they loved you and you were the toast of the town. How pathetic, it appears they are just as elitist, hypocritical, classist, and shallow as ever. Boy would they be shocked if they knew what you really believed!
Disappointed at your us vs. them mentality. Your classmates who “grew up” and got married and raised children should be championed-not attacked. In high school they were mere children-how can you label them hypocrites now-when all they did was mature out of post-adolescence. If anything-you should chastise yourself as a teen who championed marriage and child rearing yet went on to a career that leaves room for neither.
I started the piece totally on your side-bug your relentless hate speech against your classmates turned me off
We're all crazy about you Liza, but sometimes it seems that you have gone from padding your resume for college straight to pitching your memoir to the highest bidder. (Well, that is just another way of saying that you are following your father's advice, which is a smart thing to do). For me, Ajax was for cleaning sinks. I want to hear about the Ajax who built an app for that. I suppose I'll have to wait for the memoir. Anyway, you mentioned that you were bothered by the elite's hypocrisy. I think it a greater crime that they seem so utterly predictable and boring.
'I did not fit in because in my immigrant household, the only thing that mattered was hard work and persistence—in fact, my dad’s most signature piece of advice to teenage Liza was, “You have to be financially independent.” I was shocked, then, that after years and years of hearing my classmates parrot bowdlerized talking points about the patriarchy, I was the only unmarried, childless, and career-oriented woman in the pack'.
The gender equality paradox in effect, as societies become more liberal gender differences enlarge
Nice piece that sums up why high school reunions are not warm fuzzy trips down Nostalgia Lane. I’ve never been to any of my high school reunions and have no interest. I was a misfit oddball and received all the expected “benefits” that came with designation. Why relive those four miserable years?