The Feminist Mirage: How Contemporary Feminism Has Left Women Adrift

The Modern Woman is More Entitled, Less Fulfilled, and Increasingly Isolated

Contemporary feminism has obliterated sanity in women.

Don’t get me wrong. I am almost thirty, unmarried, and childless. I out-earn my boyfriend, have never cooked a day in my life, and am exactly the sort of woman who stands to benefit from contemporary feminism and its emancipation of women from the defaults of motherhood and homemaking. I do not subscribe to this notion of “the trad wife” that many conservative women are now embracing in reaction to Shulamith-Firestone feminism, and I do not believe that a woman who chooses never to bear children should be run out of society and ritually burned at the stake. But I do believe that contemporary feminism has ruined women to the point that I have little desire to fraternize with many members of my own sex.

Let me be clear. I do not speak for all women: I am prepared to risk my life for my close female friends, my grandmother is the wisest human being I know, and many of my literary role models were strong women who dared to enter male-dominated professions. Women have doubtlessly and unapologetically shaped my worldview, but the sort of strong women I grew up with seem few and far between.

Obviously, I am a woman myself (and if this is not obvious to you and you feel the need to ask me for my pronouns to confirm, please seek psychiatric help). Obviously, I will stand up for my fellow women. But I belong, more specifically, to a certain iteration of women that we might call the “Gen Z woman”—the sort that Pedro L. Gonzalez critiques in a recent Contra piece that delves into the ills of contemporary dating culture. Citing a conversation with a young man who has become disillusioned with women’s views on sex and relationships, Gonzalez explains that it is no accident that many young men today feel an “anti-social resentment toward women.” Gen Z women, in other words, have alienated their male counterparts by harboring a myopic belief that all of their failures can be attributed to male aggression.

I accept this critique.

Women in my generation can be nightmarish. I have maybe three or four women I would consider close friends—the rest are all men. And I don’t think this is an accident—in fact, I have never actively sought out male friendships in the way that I solicit female companionship, but I have always had rotten luck with women nevertheless. Part of it might be that I am fundamentally uninterested in so-called “female” topics of conversation: relationships, travel, fashion, beauty, health, and feelings, to name a few. I would rather dive immediately into a heated exchange about politics or philosophy than listen to the latest gossip from the nail salon while going to the bathroom together (I think this is how women operate, but I really couldn't tell you), and unfortunately, I have yet to meet a woman who appreciates Kant or Schopenhauer (if this is you, please reach out). Part of it might also be that, according to a personality test that Jordan Peterson made me pay $10 for, I am exceedingly low on the "agreeableness" scale, which gives me elements of stubbornness, dominance, skepticism, and competitiveness—traits traditionally associated with men. So while this might just be a “me” problem, I am not convinced that contemporary feminism is helping. In fact, I am more than certain that contemporary feminism, with its insistence that women are perfect and deserve everything, has had the opposite effect: many women today, believing in their own inherent superiority, not only act entitled but also refuse to work on themselves.

I sense that some readers are already coming after me, so let me once again temper my argument to appease the mob. I do not mean to say—nor have I said anywhere in this piece—that all women suck or that women suck at all. Some of the loveliest people in my life are women. Women accomplish great things when you let them, and if you are a woman reading this piece, chances are that you do not suck because you are spending your time engaged in the intellectual activity of reading, which absolves you from my critique. The sort of woman I am critiquing (and this applies to men as well in many ways, though I don’t believe we really need another piece by a woman critiquing men at this stage in our civilization) is the sort who, believing that she is the best of the best because contemporary feminism says “you are wonderful and men suck,” sits around doing nothing but watching The Bachelor while getting her toenails painted and expecting to have all the success in life just from looking pretty. The sort of woman I am critiquing sprouts from the genre of feminism that has produced Lily Philips and Bonnie Blue—women who believe that sexual liberation is all-empowering and that such a life devoid of real connection or commitment is the true path to satisfaction. The fact is that every person on this planet benefits from intellectual activity and self-actualization, yet if you are told that you are never the problem, you will have no reason to ever work on yourself or become a better person.

Contemporary feminism, in insisting that men have only ever put women down and that women have never done anything wrong, has only produced a certain breed of vapid women who have never read a real book in their lives or stopped to think that, maybe I am the reason that I’m single. Contemporary feminism has only set women back in their pursuit of equality with men because many women have stopped trying to become better versions of themselves—and as humans, we all owe ourselves the duty of being slightly better today than we were yesterday. The problem is that young women have almost collectively boycotted men, believing that their loneliness is the result of “toxic masculinity” and that all men are animals simply out to hurt and objectify women.

Just the other day, for instance, I attempted to give advice to a woman who posted on Facebook that she was looking for "an exclusive Friends with Benefits” situation and was perplexed that men she did not want to commit to kept leaving her. I promptly informed her that, if she wanted to see good luck with men and avoid the plague of loneliness that has settled over our generation, she should stop seeking out non-committal situations and set her sights on marriage, for this would attract quality men and likely solve her problems. I was promptly dubbed a hater and a misogynist and booted off the forum. (Women do not seem to want to actually help each other either, but that is a separate conversation for another piece.)

Yes, these are uncomfortable conversations to have. No woman wants to think that she may be the reason that she is sad and lonely and that no man wants her—it is so much easier to blame all males and to continue acting self-indulgently. And while there are, of course, terrible men out in the world, pretending that you are not responsible for your own misfortune is narcissistic and sickening behavior. Not all men are evil or out to get you. In fact, men and women complement each other and inspire each other to become the best version of themselves.

We are all human. We all want to be loved—men and women alike. Yet contemporary feminism seems to have sold young women the lie that men are the reason for their suffering. As a result, fewer young people enter relationships, perpetuating the culture of loneliness.

And while it is undeniable that contemporary feminism has made an increasing number of women in my generation increasingly intolerable, at the end of the day, “feminism,” “toxic masculinity,” and all the other labels we throw around mean little compared to the fundamental truth of the human condition: we all want to be loved.

So maybe it’s time we retire contemporary feminism’s prescription that all men are evil and inspire both men and women to continually become better, more interesting versions of themselves—the sort of people who are more likely to spark connections and find high-quality partners who will help them lead a satisfying life.

And maybe then I’ll finally find some female friends who want to talk about Schopenhauer.

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